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Blogs > 80sbaby71 > Life in the Nursery~

Courage  

80sbaby71 52F
7349 posts
10/10/2021 6:50 am
Courage

This post is for me. Yes, I know that sounds conceited, but I think you will understand by the end.

For those that know me, know that I’m pretty much a submissive person. I apologize all the time. It’s from the damage of many people in my life. I’m now beginning to understand that it’s ok. I’m ok.

An old friend and I reconnected awhile back. It was nice, talking to them on the phone. They live in another state and would be coming back to Oklahoma for a visit. Excited!!! We agreed that we would have to get together and catch up. I’m sorry, but my life is chaotic at times. I have so many things and I’m going so many ways…. I forgot when they were going to be here.

Little background here, I love hard. Yes, I love lots of people. But that isn’t the same. There have only been 3 men in my life that stole my heart. And I never told them. One…way back in high school. I think he was honestly my first love. I remember everything, but I have moved on from him. The next guy came after my first divorce. He was just a friend. We flirted. I’m not stupid, I didn’t even know that I was falling. But I did. And he never knew. Still doesn’t. I still have in my life. But I have to guard my heart. He has always been there, in my heart, but he can’t know. Then there is the last one. Damn! This one. This is the one who I just reconnected with. This is the one who I fell hard for. This one broke my heart. He never knew, but he did. I knew walking into it. I knew that I was just “that” girl. I was the one to hang out with on Sunday watching football. I was the one he could get rough with in the bedroom. I was the one for that. I was never the one for more. I knew that. But I’m me, and I fell…..hard. Minime knew. She understood. She was rooting for me on the sidelines. She was also the one who knew that it would never happen.

Ok, so I am back. Yesterday I got a text. I had forgotten. I’m human. I heard that voice. We set a time, and hung up. Yes, I was scared. I texted someone and asked if this was ok…and got permission. I got ready and was out the door. Yes, several people knew where I was going to be. A dear friend taught me that lesson. I got to the hotel. I knocked on the door. And there he was. The jock. He was older, he was much wiser but he was still the jock. I was very happy to see him. I’m not going to go into any details of our evening. That’s for me. But I had a great evening. I ate. We chatted. We watched football. He gave me a key to his room. He thought I was going to stay.

I walked away. You have no idea what that means. I was the one walking away at the end of the day. I walked away. Friends with benefits…HELL YES! But, I’m the one walking away from someone who is amazing….but will never be my love. I’m ok with that. I needed that. I never thought that I would ever have the courage to walk away. But as I kissed him goodbye and walked out of that hotel room….I walked out proud.

I Walked Away!
PonyGirl1965 58F
22090 posts
10/15/2021 11:57 pm

 Good for you! I'm proud that you are making your own decisions and thinking what is best for YOU!


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